Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Manipulative Older Parents

Last night I became irritated . . . maybe even a bit angry . . . it carried into this morning and I woke in a really bad mood. I tried to basically stay by myself, in my office away from everyone . . . but work and life found me.

I am sure you are wondering by this time 
"Why were you irritated?"

Older parents (Randy's) that choose to MANIPULATE and hurt those that love them and have been TRYING to care for them.

We are continually made aware they want to be "on their own" to live how they want to live. They cancelled the in home care we had set up for them every week day about a month ago. We had no choice but to either pay the company even though no one could get into the house or cancel the service. Randy cancelled the service.
Which led to . . . "We have no one to take us where we need to go."
Which actually meant . . . we want our car back.
Of course, they did have people to take them where they needed to go, however the real issue was . . . they didn't have their car and the privilege of driving where ever they wanted to go at any time.

The car had been removed from them because we felt they were not responsible enough to have their car. We were fearful of poor choices while driving that would end badly and we didn't want anyone hurt or even killed.

The return of the car had been denied since January.
Today, we received a call that they were trying to purchase a vehicle. They actually called a car dealership that knew us and felt something was not right and was courteous enough to give us a call. We cannot believe the manipulation of the circumstances.

Today, Randy told them he would bring their car to them, against better judgement Randy feels he cannot deal with them anymore.

All of the above makes me irritated and angry.
Hurtful, cutting remarks have been made by two elderly parents to two of their children and even their grandchildren.

Randy's mother has the beginnings of Dementia.
She has good days and then really bad ones.
We thought Randy's Dad had mental issues going on too . . .
we discovered over the past months that he "pretends to have issues" to gain attention. He was caught in the act while pretending to have a stroke/seizure about 6 weeks ago.
After he was found out, he admitted to "pretending" for years.
He has been told "normal people" do not pretend to be dying 
just to get attention.

Randy and his sister are taking a step back and giving their parents the freedom they are demanding. I simply cannot see any good coming from this entire situation. I have expressed my opinion to my husband but I also know he and his sister are the ones that need to make the decision and not me.

I am sure Randy and his sister are both hoping that their parents will finally calm down and stop the incessant out of control rants.
I hope so too . . .
but I am not overly optimistic . . .



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